


i promise, stormcloud

by emmers_sons



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Abuse Mentions, Aged-Up Character(s), Angst, Guns, Human Sides (Sanders Sides), Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Male Slash, Past Abuse, Past Anxceit, Past Relationship(s), analogical - Freeform, deceits name is dean in this, royality, self harming virgil, this is super angsty sorry, vent fic lowkey
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-31
Updated: 2019-01-31
Packaged: 2019-10-20 02:20:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,038
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17613608
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emmers_sons/pseuds/emmers_sons
Summary: in which some shit goes downtrigger warning. the triggering sections will be in boldtrigger warning. this fic involves guns, getting shot, abuse mentions, hospitals, depression, depersonalization, an absolute shit ton of angst, self harm, etc





	i promise, stormcloud

**Author's Note:**

> just putting some basic info
> 
> virgil: 18, he/him. trans male. previously abused, dating logan, shortest (5'7")  
> roman: 18, he/him, male, dating patton, taller than virgil (5'7.5")  
> logan: 19, he/him, male, dating virgil, taller than roman (6'0")  
> patton: 19, he/they, male, dating roman, tallest (6'1")
> 
> dean: 21, he/him, male, virgil's ex, taller than virgil and roman (5'9"), virgils abusive ex

Virgil and Logan had been dating for a month. They waited for Virgil to become a legal adult first, Logan nervously popping the question on his boyfriend's birthday. Virgil said yes, of course, happy to finally be with someone who seemed to care for him. Roman and Patton had been dating for a few months prior to Logan asking the other out. Now, everyone in the apartment was happy. For the most part at least. Virgil set a cup of coffee down in front of his boyfriend, sitting down next to him and taking a drink of his hot chocolate. He couldn't stand the taste of coffee, too bitter. He gave a soft breath, laying down on his arms and listening to the gentle sounds of Logan typing and his soft breaths in and out. The two let their relationship progress slowly, though the lead up to it had been all at once. They hadn't said I love you yet, but they had done most other couple things like cuddle and kiss and sleep together. As in actually sleep. Logan was ace, and Virgil didn't feel comfortable with that level of intimacy anyway. A comfortable silence hung over the two for a moment, before Virgil spoke up.

“I love you,” he murmured, plain and simple. That's all he had to say, after all. He watched as Logan's cheeks reddened, a little smile twitching at his lips. He turned, leaning against the bar.

“I love you too, my Stormcloud,” Logan replied, leaning down to press a kiss to Virgil's temple.

“Hell yeah.” He laughed, sitting up to catch Logan in a real kiss. They kissed briefly, before pulling back. Each had a small grin on their faces. “I wanted to say that a while ago, but I thought it could wait.” 

“Makes it more worthwhile to wait, does it not?” Logan smiled, sitting normally in his stool again and letting his fingers hover above the keyboard before shaking his head and shutting the computer. “Let's stay at home today. Just you and me.” Logan smiled gently at the idea, prompting a grin out of Virgil.

“Do you genuinely not want to work or do you want to cuddle all day because it's cold outside?”

“My reasoning doesn't matter.” Logan gave a teasing huff, making Virgil laugh.

“Okay, I'll stay home with you.” He smiled, leaning up to kiss his boyfriend's cheek. In their time of dating, he noticed a few things about the other.

 

For starters, he had never seen Logan without a long sleeved shirt on. He always rolled up the sleeves, even during the summer. Secondly, he had never seen him without his hair tied up. He also hadn't ever seen the other without his glasses on. Virgil found these questions at his mind today. He blew them off, though.

“I wanna take a shower, though. Plus, I have to take my shot.” Virgil sat himself back down, sipping off his hot chocolate.

“Alright. Do you want me to help with the shot?”

“If it's okay.”

“It's always alright, dear. I know how you get at blood.”

“Thank you. I'm gonna shower now.” He slipped off his stool, giving Logan a quick hug before slipping the glasses off the other's face.

“Virgil, why did you steal my glasses?” asked a now blind Logan.

“I wanted to see you without them. You look good.” Virgil slipped them back onto Logan's face, kissing his cheek. Logan smiled to himself, watching his boyfriend wander to the bathroom. He wouldn't admit it, but he was hopelessly in love. He stood, wandering to the window to look outside for a moment, before his eyebrows furrowed at the sight of something. He blinked and it was gone, so he assumed he was just crazy and closed the curtains again. He yawned a bit as he knocked on Roman's door.

“Wake up you two, Virgil made coffee,” he said, before stepping back and wandering back to his laptop to do a quick search.

 

[Dean Williams facebook]

 

He browsed the first few options, still not finding the one he worried about. He gave a relieved breath, taking a drink of his coffee and returning to his morning ritual of working from home. After a bit, he heard a gentle call of his name from the bathroom, and let himself in. The room was steamy, and immediately fogged his glasses up, but he had gotten used to this.

“Ready, dear?” He asked gently, once Virgil had situated himself on the edge of the tub. The smaller nodded, taking in a gentle breath and squeezing his boyfriend's hand before taking the shot and letting Logan put down a bandage. “There you go. There you go…” He kissed his boyfriend's cheek, pulling away in gentle surprise. “Virgil, is that?”

“Peach fuzz? Yeah!”

“Oh, I'm so proud!” The two embraced, Logan lifting his boy and kissing his cheek. Virgil gave a startled noise, per usual, but laughed gently. He had started testosterone shots almost five months ago, and change had been slow but noticeable. Logan set Virgil down, kissing his cheek again. They left the bathroom after a moment, Logan patting his boyfriend's damp hair. They slipped into their spots at the bar, watching a disheveled Roman and a tired Patton get coffee and sit, sipping it quietly to wake up. Ironically enough, Logan had managed to alter Virgil's sleep patterns enough that he'd wake up first now, rather than last. After a bit of soft chatter, Logan stood.”I'm going to go read. Come get me if you need me.” He said, kissing Virgil's head and grabbing his laptop from off the bar. It seemed Logan's habits had changed as well, the boy getting a bit more tidy with things. He wandered off into his and Patton's room, Virgil frowning a bit at the twinge of jealousy in his chest. He turned to the other two, smiling a bit and making light conversation with them as they woke up. 

 

After a bit, Virgil stood from the bar, wandering into the living room to look out the window and pausing. Shit, was that…? He blinked hard a few times, the figure leaving his sight, and decided he was just paranoid, hesitantly leaving the window to go see Logan. He was sure some cuddles would be enough to soothe his worry. He wandered into the older's room, pausing in surprise once he turned.

“Oh, hello Virgil.” He spoke evenly, setting down the weight in his hand. Virgil flushed hard, giving a surprised noise.

“S-sorry, didn't mean to interrupt…” he mumbled, looking down. He felt Logan's hand on his shoulder.

“Hey, you're fine.” He smiled gently at his boy. “Is something wrong?”

“Just thought I saw Dean outside. I'm sure it was nothing, I just-”

“Oh, I'm sorry. Do you wanna lay down for a bit?” Logan had embraced him now, and was holding him gently. At Virgil's gentle nod, he scooped the boy up. “Here or your room?”

“My room.” Virgil mumbled into his boyfriend's shoulder, lifting his head gently to look at him. Logan smiled gently at him, before moving to carry him to his room. As they passed the table, he made gentle eye contact with Patton, as if explaining the situation without words. It wasn't long before they were both lying in Virgil's bed, a blanket tugged gently over them. The smaller boy had his head rested on the other man's chest, listening to the sound of his heartbeat. He sighed after a bit, letting Logan play with his hair. “I'm sorry, Lo, I just kinda assumed the worst.”

“Hey, it's okay. You went through a lot with him, I know I can't always make things immediately better from that kind of situation.” He kissed Virgil's hair, looking down at his boyfriend. “I'm sorry I can't make you feel more secure.”

“I mean, seeing you're secretly buff as all hell helps a little but.” Virgil laughed softly as he spoke, smile fading quickly. He sighed, nestling into Logan.

“I work out sometimes, yes, but I don't think I could actually fight someone. I just like being able to pick you up and carry in all the groceries and stuff.” Logan shrugged, but smiled. “You seemed pretty flustered when you saw me.”

“Oh, shush. I hadn't ever seen you without a shirt before today.” He laughed softly, sitting up in bed for a moment. “I love you.” The flustered look on Logan's face was enough to make him want to say it a million times over.

“I love you too, dear,” Logan replied, after a moment, before looking up at the sound of a knock on the door. Virgil hummed, kissing his boyfriend's cheek, before climbing out of bed. Patton stood at his door, looking a bit worried.

“What's up, Patton?”

“Someone's at the door for you kiddo,” he said, looking to the door for a moment. “I don't know who it is.”

“Okay, well, I can go see.” Virgil was about to pass Patton, before he felt a hand on his shoulder.

“I'll come with you.” Logan murmured, receiving a short nod. The two made their way to the door, Virgil looking through the peephole before opening it. Outside stood another man, with dusty brown hair and glasses.

“Emile? What are you doing-”

“He forced me to, I'm so sorry Virgil.” Emile explained in a rush, before being pushed aside by a very familiar figure. In Emile's place stood none other than Dean, Virgil's ex boyfriend.

“Heyyy, Virgie,” The man slurred. He was shorter than both Patton and Logan, but taller than Virgil. He wore a cold grin. “Long time no see.” 

 

Virgil felt the color drain from his face, almost instantly closing his eyes to try and wake up. This had to be some sort of dream. A sick, twisted dream.

“You're not dreaming. I'm here, and I'm here to stay.” Dean's voice pierced the silence, cold and threatening. Virgil felt himself gently pushed aside.

“You aren't doing anything,” Logan spoke through gritted teeth. “Now, I would appreciate it if you would leave before I call the police.” He opened his eyes, looking up at his boyfriend.

“N-no, Logan, don't do anything rash…” Virgil mumbled, gripping his arm. Logan gave him a gentle look, before he looked back at Dean.

“You have until the count of ten to get the hell out of here you piece of shit,” Logan spat his words at the other, before starting to count. Dean didn't move. At ten, Logan pulled his arm away from his boyfriend, gentle to him, before raising a fist to punch Dean in the wherever. The next minute passed painfully slow. **Before any words could even rise in his throat, Virgil was watching Dean pull out a gun at his boyfriend. He watched the man shoot Logan in the first place possible, before grabbing Emile and running. He watched Logan grip his stomach in surprise, hand flying to the open wound, before he looked back to his partner and roommates. Virgil couldn't even move as Logan fell against a wall, hand gripping the bullet wound. Time was slow as he watched Patton rush over, yelling at Roman to call for an ambulance. He was having a hard time getting air to his lungs, watching silently as Patton pulled off his sweater and pressed it against Logan's wound.** He watched as his boyfriend looked over to him, lips only forming one sentence that Virgil could actually comprehend. “It's not your fault.” The phrase rang loudly in Virgil's head. He focused on his breathing for a moment, as the white noise in his head cleared and the situation came into focus. It wasn't long before he was barking out instructions for the others to follow.

 

“Patton, go start the car. We don't have the money to afford an ambulance. Roman, tell the dispatcher we're driving to the hospital and if we could have a police car escort us, that'd be fucking great. Tell them that I know exactly who the fuck had the guts to do this to my goddamned boyfriend.” Virgil turned his gaze quickly to his boyfriend, cupping his cheek with one hand and pressing his other hand over Logan's own. “Keep adding pressure. Look at me, and stay awake, okay baby? We're gonna get you to the hospital and you're gonna be okay.” He smiled weakly at the other, watching Logan do the same.

“I know, Stormcloud. I know you'll take care of me…” Logan leaned into his hand, wincing softly. Virgil gave a soft breath, kissing Logan's cheek gently.

“They, uh, they said the police are on their way!” Roman called from in the kitchen, shoving his phone into his pocket. Virgil kept his eyes on Logan, murmuring soft comforts for him as Patton hurried back into the apartment.

“The car's ready, we have to go,” Patton said, grabbing Virgil's attention.

“Help me get him to the car. I can't carry him alone.” Virgil was already slowly bringing Logan to a standing position. Patton hurried to hook an arm around his shoulders, glancing at the smaller boy struggling.

“I can carry him, kiddo. You go out and wait in the backseat,” Patton insisted, Logan nodding gently. 

“Go on, Virgil. I'll be alright, I promise.” Logan smiled gently at his boyfriend, causing the boy to hesitate before nodding and hurrying down the stairs of the apartment complex. Normally he'd take the elevator, but the stairs were quicker at the time. He could hear the sirens now, and chewed hard on his lip. He reached the bottom of the steps, exiting with his hands up. There was a small group of officers there, who patted him down quickly as he rattled off what happened.

“My ex forced his boyfriend to lead him to my apartment, then after being asked to leave by my boyfriend, shot him and ran. His name is Dean Williams. My roommates are on their way down now, they should be taking the elevator,” he explained quickly, before getting a quick nod in confirmation and hurrying to the elevator. He knew he was told to wait in the car, but he wasn’t a child anymore. He could do what the hell he wanted. When he saw the elevator reach the ground floor of the apartment complex, he gave a soft breath. Patton and Logan were the first out, Roman’s hand holding the doors open for them. They exited slow, Logan a bit paler than normal. “Hey… hey honey… You’ll be okay.” Virgil murmured once his boyfriend saw him. He smiled very gently at the other, walking slowly to the doors where more officers stood. Patton had pulled the car up onto the curb, very clearly, so Logan would have an easier time getting in. “I can take him, Patton. Thank you.”

“Of course, kiddo. Roman, go get in the car.” Virgil watched as Patton tossed Roman the keys, the other male catching them easily and rushing to the car. Patton followed close behind the other two as they walked to the car, Virgil murmuring comforts the whole way there. Patton spoke briefly to an officer as they went through the doors, before rejoining the other two as they slowly lowered Logan into the car. Virgil hurried in, climbing in on the other side in the back and letting Logan rest his head on his lap. As soon as Patton got in, they were all pulling on seat belts (other than Virgil and Logan, they were a bit preoccupied) and waiting for the familiar sound of sirens to start off. Once the sound filled the air, the car was pulled off the curb, and the group was driving behind a police officer to the hospital.

 

Now, Virgil was never a religious person. He never prayed to God, or whoever the hell was up there. He never went to church on Sunday to eat the fancy cracker and drink some wine. He just always knew there was something up there. As they drove, he decided to take a crack at it. Praying silently under his breath, he ran his fingers gently through his boyfriend’s hair. It was still pulled up, just like it always was, and Virgil couldn’t help but smile. Even when shot, his boyfriend looked perfect. Logan, about halfway through the ride, reached up to gently cup Virgil’s cheek.

“I’m going to be alright, my Stormcloud. I promise you that more than anything.” While Logan’s voice was weak, his words were not. They were filled with love and promise and hope. It was enough to choke Virgil up, bringing the boy to tears that he only wiped away in favor of kissing Logan.

“I know you will, Logan. If you weren’t okay at the end of this, I wouldn’t know what to do with myself.” Virgil laughed sadly, looking up only at the sound of Roman’s voice.

“We’re almost there,” he informed, before falling quiet again and letting the sound of sirens fill the gap of voices. Reaching the hospital was probably the opposite of what Virgil had expected. Everything was so fast there. Everything passed in a blur as he helped his boyfriend out of the car, only just then realizing the sticky feel of blood on his fingers. Time passed quickly as they got Logan onto a stretcher and Patton and Roman had to hold Virgil back as they took his boyfriend away, promising him this wouldn’t be the last time he ever saw him. It took a while, but eventually the fog in Virgil’s head cleared. They had been sitting in the waiting room for hours now, Roman sleeping curled up against Patton, who was also asleep. Virgil was wide awake, though, staring at the blood on his fingers. How could things go so suddenly from perfect to terrible. He got to tell his boyfriend he loved him for the very first time, only for his ex to reappear, his boyfriend to be shot, and him left feeling powerless. He had cried a few times, he could tell by how his head throbbed and his throat was left feeling dry, but he didn’t get up to get a drink or clean up or anything like that. He couldn’t even bring himself to, brain too focused on what happened to his boyfriend already, too focused on what else could happen. What if he died there on the operating table, bleeding out? Virgil wouldn’t be able to live without him. He loved Logan more than anything, he couldn’t just go on without him. It was probably around midnight when he heard a nurse speaking to him. He looked up quickly, forcing his thoughts to quiet.

 

“I’m sorry, sir, you’re here with Logan Ramsey, correct?” She asked, and Virgil nodded softly. “He’s asking to see you.”

“He’s…” Virgil repeated softly, before nodding and standing. “Please, take me to him.”

“Right this way, sir.” The nurse smiled patiently at him, leading him almost silently through the hospital. Roman and Patton were fast asleep for the night, having gone to sleep roughly an hour before. Virgil didn’t want to wake them, so he grabbed his phone from his pocket and sent them a text. It wasn’t long before they reached Logan’s room, and Virgil could have cried again if he weren’t so dehydrated. He started inside slowly, before picking up speed and practically hurtling himself into his boyfriend. Logan gave a pained laugh, before kissing Virgil’s head.

“I promised you I’d be alright, baby…” He murmured to his boy, holding him tight. Virgil gave dry sobs into Logan’s shoulder, who mouthed a quick thanks to the nurse. She left, and he went to comforting his boyfriend. “I’d never leave you. Everything’s gonna be okay.” When Virgil finally pulled back, his eyes were only watery.

“I-I let him shoot you, I-”

“Hey, no. Virgil, it isn’t your fault. I was rash, and acted without considering what could have happened.”

“He was looking for me, Logan. H-he was gonna take me back there and…”

“Virgil, can you breathe with me for a minute?” Virgil looked up from his lap, only then realizing that he wasn’t breathing well. He nodded slowly, letting Logan guide him through his breathing until he had calmed down a bit more. “Now, honey, I want you to get a drink of something. I know you probably haven’t ate or drank anything since we got here, and I should be making you eat something, but I can ask Patton to get something for you in the morning.” Logan was calm, and Virgil nodded gently. “Good.” He watched as Virgil shifted off the hospital bed, standing and walking over to a sink with a few Dixie cups by it. He filled one, drinking from it slowly, then all at once. After the first drink, he filled the cup again and drank it. It felt so good after all. After that cup, he set it down and made his way back to his boyfriend. Logan opened his arms, Virgil sitting next to him and burrowing into the hug. “You should sleep now, honey. I will, too.”

“... Okay.” Virgil sighed, leaning against his boyfriend. Logan hummed gently, taking his glasses off as he hummed a lullaby to try and get his boyfriend to sleep easier. He took out his hair, next, dropping the hair tie next to them, before pressing his face against Virgil’s hair. It wasn’t long before the smaller boy fell asleep. He gently took his phone, sending a message of his own to Patton. 

 

to: Patton

from: Virgil

this is logan. virgils sleeping with me right now, try to be quiet in the morning when you come in if you can. also, if you could, please bring something for him to eat. thank you

sent at 12:05 am

 

Logan set his boyfriend’s phone down next to the both of them, pulling his sleeping boyfriend closer and closing his eyes. It didn’t take him long to fall asleep as well, still holding onto his boyfriend like he was afraid to let him go.

 

~

 

Logan woke up the next morning to Patton looking over him quietly. He smiled tiredly at the other, before looking down at the sleeping boy next to him. He looked so at peace. It warmed his heart. He slipped his glasses back on, looking around for a moment. Roman was sitting in a chair nearby, and smiled gently at him. Patton sat down in the chair right next to the bed.

“Hey, how’d you sleep?” Patton asked, smiling to him.

“Alright. When’d you guys come in?” Logan spoke softly, not wanting to wake Virgil.

“Not that long ago. Probably an hour ago? I’m not sure.” Patton shrugged.

“What time is it?”

“Eleven. Probably the latest you’ve ever slept in,” Roman spoke up, teasing him gently. Logan smiled a bit, before it struck him. Wow. He really hadn’t ever slept in that late.

“Yeah, I suppose you’re right. Did you bring anything for Virgil to eat?”

“A few Poptarts. We couldn’t find much that wasn’t gonna taste good cold.” Patton shrugged, leaning back and taking off his glasses to clean them on his shirt, before putting them back on and messing with his hair. “Sorry.”

“That’s okay. Thank you for being patient with me and helping. I know this is probably hard for everyone.”

“Of course, Logan. We want you to be able to recover as quickly as possible.” The glasses cad boy smiled, patting Logan's shoulder. Logan smiled back. They all talked quietly for a while, before Logan felt Virgil rousing next to him. As the boy gave a sleepy noise, Logan smiled.

“Hey, baby,” Logan murmured to his boyfriend, kissing his hair. The smaller gave a sleepy noise, cuddling more into him. Logan and Virgil didn't often sleep together for a full night, one of them usually heading back to their own bed halfway through the night. Because of this, Logan had never really seen this sleepy of a Virgil, especially considering Virgil always took plenty of time to wake up before leaving his room. The smaller boy gave a sleepy noise, shifting away slightly to rub his eyes. After a short moment, he let himself fall right back against Logan and close his eyes. Logan gave a warm chuckle. “Did you sleep okay?”

“Mmhm,” he hummed his response, before blinking and actually making himself wake up. Patton gave a little hum, smiling.

“Hey, kiddo. We brought some food for you to eat,” Patton spoke up, patting Virgil's back. The smaller boy nodded, shifting and turning to face him. Patton took the food from Roman, handing it to Virgil who took it and burrowed against Logan again. He opened the package, eating a Poptart quietly. Logan grinned, holding Virgil gently as he woke. It took a while, but eventually Virgil sighed and sat up.

“Sorry,” he mumbled, shifting against Logan. Logan shook his head gently. 

“Why are you sorry, Virgil?” Logan asked, receiving a shrug. He decided not to push, knowing Virgil was probably still very upset from the day before. After a moment, Patton spoke up.

“So, we were talking to the nurse earlier and she said that it'll be a few days before you get to leave. Me and Roman were thinking we would head home and pack some of your stuff, if you're okay with that,” he suggested. Logan nodded. 

“Yeah, that sounds good with me. Are you okay with them packing some of your stuff, Virgil?”

“Yeah.” Virgil decided, hiding the fact he was kind of nervous about Patton and Roman going through his things. He would admit, he had some questionable things in his room he would prefer Roman and Patton didn't see, but he knew they hopefully wouldn't go through his things. Patton nodded, smiling as he sat again. Virgil curled back into Logan, tracing some words onto his boyfriend's chest. ‘ask them to just get clothes’ he spelled out the words slow so Logan could understand them. He did, and nodded gently.

“Just try not to go through our personal things. Just clothing is enough,” Logan spoke plainly, but certainly. Roman and Patton nodded. 

“We can do that. We can go now if you want,” Roman offered. At Logan's nod he stood. Patton followed, giving a half smile to the two boys before turning to follow his own boyfriend out the door. Once it was shut, Virgil sighed and sat up.

 

“I know you keep saying it's not my fault that you got shot and that Dean showed up but I… I really do blame myself. Me and Emile, we had been talking about things on Facebook. It's my fault he knew where we live. It's my fault that Dean came because I started dating him in the first place. I always knew he'd come after me eventually, I just… I hoped he wouldn't… God talking about things is exhausting.” Virgil pushed his hand through his hair. Logan had seen his old scar from Dean many times, so he wasn't as afraid to show it accidentally anymore. He pulled his hair away from his face gently, scratching the base of his head. Logan gently cupped Virgil's face, rubbing his cheek with his thumb.

“Virgil, I promise you that it isn't your fault. You didn't know he'd have a gun. You didn't know he'd shoot.”

“I know I would have taken the bullet if I knew.” Virgil’s voice was soft, but confident. He felt Logan's eyes focus on his own. He refused to meet them. Looking at the height difference between them, Virgil knew he probably would have died if he took the shot, but that wasn't what he was saying.

“Virgil, I'm so glad you didn't take that bullet.” Logan rested his forehead on Virgil's own. “I love you so, so much. I couldn't stand seeing you in this situation. You're so strong sitting here, so calm and so put together.”

“Oh, god, I'm not put together at all. You know that.”

“I suppose I do. I'd like to believe in your bravery, though. You took charge at home when you realized what was happened, and you didn't freak out when we were in the car. You stayed calm the whole time, and I'm so proud of you. You've grown so much since we met.” Logan rubbed Virgil's cheek, giving a soft breath. “I love you so much, dear.”

“I love you too, Logan…” Virgil murmured. “I was so afraid we were gonna lose you. I thought I wasn't gonna ever see you again…” Virgil spoke barely above a whisper, letting his hands drop from his hair. He gently lifted his face from Logan's hands, shifting to lean against him. He was practically straddling the other, but neither of them minded.

“Well, here I am. I'd never give up on you that easily,” Logan murmured, holding Virgil against him. They sat in silence until Virgil's phone buzzed. The smaller hummed, grabbing it quietly and sitting up just enough to see the text.

“Pat's asking if you want them to bring snacks.” He looked at his boyfriend quietly.

“Yeah, if he doesn't mind.” Logan nodded, prompting Virgil to type up a quick response before setting the phone back down. He rested his head on Logan's chest again, listening to the gentle thump of his heart intermingling with the steady beep of the machine making sure he was alive. A gentle silence fell over the two again, Virgil tracing shapes gently on Logan's chest. After a short while, Logan began to try guessing them. This game continued on for a while, until Virgil started drawing organic shapes and Logan jokingly accused him of cheating. A nurse came in a short bit later, checking up on Logan briefly.

 

“You two are pretty cute, you know. All the nurses are talking about it,” he said, as he changed Logan's bandages. “It's heartwarming.”

“Thank you.” Logan smiled a bit at the nurse, who nodded, finished wrapping up Logan's injury, and left. Virgil paused for a moment in the spot he had taken in the chair. He gripped Logan's hand a bit tighter as he climbed back onto the bed, laying with him again.

“Patton and Roman are probably coming back soon.” Virgil decided, looking up gently to Logan. “I hope they grabbed one of my hoodies. Or at least a long sleeve shirt. I'm cold.”

“You're also not wearing pants, Stormcloud.”

“That's fair.” Virgil laughed, before pausing. Oh. He had honestly forgot he wasn't wearing pants. He glanced down for a second, before laughing softly. “Well. Alright.” He gave a little noise, before cuddling into Logan again. “I'm still so glad you're going to be okay.”

“I am too.” Logan smiled gently at him, before looking up at the sight of people in the doorway. Patton and Roman were there, each with a bag in one hand. They were holding each other's hands with the other, smiling a bit. Patton and Roman were usually more outwardly lovey, but had been refraining from it more lately. They wandered in, Patton setting a bag down at the edge of the bed.

“I'm gonna say it. You two are just so cute.” He grinned softly, watching his own boyfriend set down his bag. “We brought snacks, some books, movies, chargers, and clothes. All the essentials. Roman insisted on grabbing everything, so sorry if it's packed messy.”

“That's okay. Thank you, both of you.” Logan smiled gently to them, before poking Virgil. “Hear that, babe? You have actual pants now.”

“Hell yeah.” Virgil shifted, sitting up and pulling over a bag, grabbing some of what was very clearly his clothes before slipping off the bed. He kissed Logan's cheek, wandering into the bathroom and changing quickly. His old clothes were dirty, but he didn't care, setting them down gently as he pulled on a clean shirt, and his hoodie, and clean sweatpants. It was refreshing to be in new clothes. He gave a breath, grabbing his things and holding them close to himself as he wandered out of the bathroom. Patton took them gently, tossing them in a plastic bag. “Thanks.”

“Of course, kiddo. Now, we grabbed the right hoodie, right? We weren't sure which one you wanted, so we just grabbed one and-”

“Patton? This one's perfect,” he assured, smiling at Patton and hesitating before pulling him into a hug. They stood like that for a moment, before Virgil pulled back and climbed back onto the bed with his boyfriend. 

 

~

 

The week in the hospital seemed surreal at times. Virgil would wake up in the middle of the night, finding only silence apart from the constant beeping of Logan's heart monitor. He would wake up later than he had slept in a long time, going to bed and not waking up until three, four, even five in the afternoon. He could practically feel as his mental state crumbled around him, felt the all too familiar urges of scratching at old scars or, worse, the urges to create new ones. He felt terrible for feeling so terrible, constantly telling himself that no, he was supposed to be caring for Logan, not the other way around. He could spot glints of worry in everyone's eyes, and he eventually stopped looking in people's eyes altogether. The day of Logan's release was probably the worst of all. As they wheeled his boyfriend out of the hospital, he saw Dean everywhere. On a television screen, in a patient who passed them, in the doctor wheeling his own boyfriend. The world felt fake as he walked, almost like he was just floating along like a summer breeze. He paused at the doors, watching as Logan was wheeled outside and only standing there for a long moment, until the sound of his boyfriend's voice brought him back to reality.

“Virgil? Are you coming?” Logan asked gently, clearly worried. Virgil paused, looking quietly at Logan before nodding, walking out of the hospital quickly, and gripping his boyfriend's hand again. Once he was in the car, he slipped into the backseat with him, letting Logan lean on him for a change. The car ride was silent. Once Logan was resting in his own bed, Virgil wandered quietly into his own room and sat down on his bed. It was five now. His brain asked him to eat, but he ignored the plea, instead getting up and ruffling through his drawers for a moment. He was over a year clean at this point, his scars lightened, but the urge to add to them was frustratingly powerful. He grabbed the item he was looking for, and wandered into the bathroom, locking the door behind him.

 

**The first cut was always the most painful. After that, they became nothingness, an ache he hoped would bring him back to life. He only drew a few lines with the blade, just enough for him to recognize what he was doing. Once he did, he set it down hard. He grabbed the first aid kit hurriedly, quickly patching up the fresh wounds before looking to the blade on the counter. He wrapped it up in layer after layer of tissues, before throwing it in the trash and closing his eyes.**  After a long, hard moment of steady breathing, he threw on his hoodie, trying to remember when he took it off. He washed his hands, tugging down his sleeves so they covered his fingers, before staring long and hard at himself in the mirror. His hair had grown out quite a bit, he'd have to re bleach and dye it soon. He had dark circles under his eyes, and he looked pale. Nothing out of the ordinary. He threw up his hood, putting everything back where it was before moving to barricade himself in his room. He paused though as he opened the door, glancing longingly out at the living room for a moment before acting on his healthier urges. He wandered into the space, sitting down next to Patton and pressing his forehead against his shoulder.

“Hey, kiddo, what's wrong?” Patton asked gently, getting only a weak answer.

“I think there's something wrong with me…”


End file.
